Soooo,
I've been to Brussels this week-end and it was just great!
I saw my ex as i was suppose to and we actually had a great time.
He came to pick me up when i arrived, and bad surprise, he was a little drunk (shabby when you know that's exactly the reason why we broke up) He told me that he had a few beers with a friend.
So we grab a bite and go for a walk. Then we went to a bar and i finally started to relax.
I always feel responsible for him. Like i have to do everything right when he made everything wrong, just hate that..
I used to feel so bad and sometimes deeply unhappy with him and i don't want to go through that, never again.
He assured me that he changed, and in some way i believe he did, but would it be enough?
I'm still in love with him and i'm pretty sure that we are perfect for each other but he messed up really bad the first time and i was such a mess after that i'm just scared and sooo not confident that i could vomit every time i think about our past.
Anyway..
So finally we spend the whole week-end togheter.
He came with me at the church for the bapistm of my niece. We saw all my family, they where surprised but they seemd pleased too.
It was a really nice and sweet day.
After that we went to the centrum to have a drink. One of his friend that i didn't know join us later and invited us to a party. My first reflex was to say no (but i didn't).
So J. ask my several time if i was sure i wanted to go, so we make a deal : We try and if i want to come home, we go instantly.
So we went and it was really cool! Great music, really good vibes, we danced, we kissed, and for the first time since long i was feeling good with him.
We spend every minutes of the week-end together and it was just like the good old days, happy and all smile but today i spend the all day being worried sick.
I can't help myself thinking about what kept us apart and how i was falling apart back then.
So, i guess will see..
I was sooo tired this morning, and i still is actually!
It's begining harder and harder to go to work. My thoughts are so far away from here right now that i can't focus...